Youjizz because I am not doing it anymore. There is a war going on inside my very being. The fight is between two antithetical characters that exist within the confines of my over worked and under paid mind. One that sees masturbation as the only respite from the banalities of day to day reality and another who is enlightened enough to realize that I need to accept myself and my life as I and it is without needing to seek out self induced pleasure. Masturbation has been my medium way of finding release or peace in times of distress, which is the great majority of my time. But I have decided to go with my more enlightened self and surrender the cock to a discipline that is of Buddhist proportions. I am no longer willing to accept the quickly fleeting pleasure that comes with watching pornography. I struggle with feelings of sleeze every time I commit an act perjury against my more enlightened half and now that I am getting older I can no longer escape the physiological repercussions of regular masturbation.
It is true that masturbation causes me to become lethargic, morbid, autistic and perverted- but I have been asking myself lately if I really need to continue feeling this way. There is a certain semblance of liberation that I feel when I log into Youjizz and see my fantasies manifested on the digital page. All the women that I have longed for since high school are there for my visual taking. There is a repertoire of sin to indulge my dirty mind in and I am like a kid lost in a theme park as I peruse the hundreds of pornographic pages of Youjizz. But last night as I shut up my sex box (laptop) and went to sleep with a feeling of dismay (because I once again released my sperm into the sock that I quickly take of my foot), the thought “Youjizz, cause I don’t want to anymore”- ran through my mind. Granted, after every act of masturbation I say this is it, the last time- but last night my determination felt matured.
I am not a helpless victim. I can run, lift weights, due push ups or meditation when I feel the urge to visit Youjizz. I am not a helpless spectator but my primal urges are so colonized by the fantastical images on Youjizz that I am considering hypnosis and therapy to rid them from my mind for good. I have reached the point of no return. I am like a Pavlovian dog. When I sit down to my sex box I immediately get an erection- because my sex life is centered around the computer (this is a conditioned response for myself and probably millions of men). I spent a lot of time in bed, showers, cars and parks having sex with women but now that I am a married man, with issues, I have settle for the sexual universe of on-line scorn, I mean porn.
So like I said Youjizz cause I ain’t gonna do it no more. I wish bets could be taken or support group could be started for me- because this is a lonely battle- a crusade that is going on in the silence of my own physiology. The odds of defeat are great. The images on Youjizz are so desirable and rapturous and wonderful that the pull towards them is almost gravity defying when I am upon my computer. My hand wants to reach out even now and pull up the Youjizz web address. Just thinking about it has stimulated what hormones I have left. But I will not. I will stay firm assert my will and listen to Buddhist lectures on tape. I will be victorious despite that fact that the odds are stacked against me. I will turn my mind around and find visceral stimulation in the image of my beautiful wife rather than the dreamy sex kittens juggling the jizz of several men. These obscenities and abject portrayals of women are all too offensive to a soul such as mine, which longs to be free from such subjugating beautiful and orgasmic images. My crusade will be a holly one, in which my victory WILL represent a victory for all men who love naked women so much that they have become a helpless victim of Youjizz.
14 Comments
October 4, 2008 at 2:08 am
This reminds me of your blog way back about Youporn. I understand where you’re coming from; it can become a seedy procrastination when your mind seeks to wonder without much thought and to indulge.
The idea – and adventure – of what might be seen as wrong is somewhat of a drawing intrigue, so it’s only human. You are only human (and a dude).
June 9, 2009 at 12:13 am
Who cares? Enjoy YouJizz and Chill out. It’s fun. Why are you getting so heavy about it?
October 4, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Good for you!
October 5, 2008 at 4:14 am
I just blew it.
October 7, 2008 at 1:34 am
& at 4:14am. Either sleep was fleeting, or you were really committed to blowing it.
October 7, 2008 at 4:32 am
The marriage aint going so well, my wife is always crying and I got to somehow find relief.
November 29, 2008 at 4:22 pm
You are on the road which is too easy to travel. I have been there myself. Now when confronted by pornography I think what my God would think by me watching the material- and it takes on a new meaning – totally different. Sex and intimacy are designed by God for us to enjoy-but only in the structure, respect and love of marriage; which I found only God can bless- and if fact promises to bless.
Don’t be to hard on yourself. Ask God for guidance and his blessing, and you will be able to stand the tests.
cheers
December 14, 2008 at 1:36 am
I just blew it again.
December 19, 2008 at 6:43 am
Read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle bro, see how to accept the act and transcend it. I was in the same boat and I know what your going through, but you can get through this…I know because I have.
December 31, 2008 at 2:53 am
wait a second, you went 2 months without beating it? Hats off to you good sir.
December 31, 2008 at 8:06 pm
I am reading The Power Of Now but am still stuck in my negative thoughts of guilt. I will get through this!
Was it two months that I went? Well, my masturbatory abstinence has come and gone. My New Years resolution will be to stay away from youjizz for one year!
January 3, 2009 at 9:55 pm
It will be difficult, and I wish you luck. Small victories (like a two month abstinence from the act) add up, however. Something to be proud of.
I presume your reference to YouJizz is symbolic of all online (or offline, for that matter) porn. I agree that the self-abusive act indeed has consequences in the way one feels and the way one thinks about all women. Those who say it doesn’t hurt anyone are either rationalizing or deafened by their raging hormones.
Put your computer in a high-traffic area, only use it there, and never after midnight. This will cut down your temptations exponentially. Good luck!
January 3, 2009 at 11:37 pm
Thanks J! And yes, you are perceptive- Youjizz is a symbol for all on-line and off-line porn.
June 9, 2009 at 3:44 am
Brandybelle