I have not had sex with my wife in over a year. Sometimes when I am without a thing to do I “surf” the erotic section on Craig’s List. It has been a long time since I have felt a nipple in my hand so I have to do what I can to maintain some interest in sex. Cheating on my wife is out of the question, not because I am an adamant monogamist. No definatly not; in fact I believe that monogamy may be an abnormal practice for the human species which leads to all kinds of stress induced ailments. I would not deceive my wife simply because it would fill me with a brick of shame so heavy to carry around that I just can not perceive how ten minutes of pleasure (more like three minutes) could be worth a long term burden of guilt and shame. I have carried that burden for decades and the one thing that I appreciate about married life is that it gives me an opportunity to be free from this weight. So occasionally I masturbate and look at naughty pictures.
It maybe a near cousin of voyeurism but what gets me off most about looking at the erotic adds on Craig’s List is the whole way these women (and sometimes men) market themselves. Now of course, I also enjoy looking at naked women, or scantily dressed women sticking their fingers in inappropriate places, but there is more to this minor hobby of mine than perversion. I fall for the fantasy of it all. The mere idea that fucking or a blow job is as easy as finding a picture of an over sexualized young lady with a phone number and price beside it…and bang!! The sexual act made simple and possible in the privacy of my own home. Sex delivered in less that an hour!!
Looking at adds titled “Let me show you all the things I can do,” “Naughty Bombshell,” “Sexiest Fhatt A$$ On The Planet” or “THREE OPEN EAGER HOLES” fill me with such a sense of awe and wonder that all the problems in my life easily flow away and I am in a space of complete fantasy. I would be lying if I told you that I have never called any of the adds that have offered a hand job with a naked sensual massage (I rationalize to myself that this would not be considered cheating since it is just like masturbating but with a live naked woman- where’s the crime!). I have called, but I am guilty of hanging up the phone the moment the female voice says “hello.” Often times I will see a picture of a naked young lady so pure and sexxxy that I can not contain my need to run into the bathroom and masturbate. It is the sexual life of a man who has none.
Lately I have been trying to practice more meditation and abstinence from the Craig’s List erotic section. I accept my life as it is and I trust that my love for my wife is great enough that everything will work out with a little help from some divine intervention. I trust that one night I will loose all my inhibitions and rip off my wife’s clothes and make passionate love to her which may then manifest a child for the two of us. For now however, we are childless and sexless (I am also jobless). I spend a lot of time sitting around the house and wondering about whose sexy photo may now be posted on Craig’s List.
Some days when I am home alone I will relish in my minor hobby and spend hours investigating the degienerate annals of prostitution and perversion. My confession is that this is one of my favorite guilty pleasures. Mid afternoon and on my computer is a sexy photo of a naked stranger holding her oval breasts in her hands with a title above the picture that says “STICK IT HEAR(they are almost all bad spellers) DADY!!” Then after about an hour of this degeneracy, I gather the strength to turn off my computer, pull up my pants and force myself to go sit outside and read a book before the burden of guilt and shame arrives.