Jail is not the kind of place that I thought it would be. I had always imagined jail as a place where one would have time for contemplation and relaxation in the locked up privacy of a cell. I imagined it as a place where one could recover from the stress of the rat race. I could not of been more deluded in my idealistic perceptions. Jail was a nightmare. It was a claustrophobic torture chamber. It was a denial of my rights as a human being and a punishment beyond my crime. It is good to be back at home writing this.
My wife is furious with me and I can not blame her. Not only did she have to pay a thousand dollar fine but she has had to deal with the knowledge of my crime. I was caught but I am not guilty. I was apprehended for doing nothing more than entertaining a fantasy.
Last evening I found myself bored and apprehensive. I decided to take a drive around the city and listen to music and chain smoke cigarettes. I drove and drove through Chinatowns and missionary districts as entertained by what I was seeing as a middle aged man could be. The city at night is a theater of the absurd in which all mischief and color seems to come to life. I saw crimes being committed and lovers strolling hand in hand all from the safety of my car window. I saw derelicts hanging out on street corners shooting dope and I saw a very attractive young prostitute hanging out on a corner. Before I had a chance to think about the repercussions of my decision, I was pulled over to the side of the curb waiting for her to make her way into the passenger side of my car. I had no intention of committing an act of infidelity, I simply thought I would pay her ten bucks to show me her breasts. It was a moment where I found my higher self apprehended by animal lust. I was unwilling to measure my action against anything but a need for the flesh.
She stepped into the passenger side of my car and immediately asked me if I was a cop. I told her I was not in no way so, but she still insisted upon seeing my cock. So their I was corrupted by my own lust. She touched the tip of it with her index finger and said “not that big for a man like you.” I was a bit reluctant to ask her about my desire to see her breasts so I remained quiet and waited for her to finish talking on her cell phone. “I’ll be done when I done,” she said without much interest in her voice and hung up the phone. “So what you looking for” she asked me and as I eyed her voluptuous breasts I decided to speak without shame.
“I know a perfect place to park,” she said and we drove around looking for the spot. I tried to entertain conversation with her. I asked her what she was studying in school and what her favorite books were. I wanted to somehow humanize the situation so that I could feel less like the man I was being.
We parked behind a Longs Drug store where the only light came from a flashing incinerator. I gave her the twenty dollars and watched her slowly take of her shirt. “Can I touch,” I asked with timidity in my broken voice. “Of course,” she replied. This would of been enough for me. My perversion was fulfilled and I could return home a satisfied man.
We are living in a country that is under martial law. This means that wherever a slightest crime is being committed, out of nowhere will appear a cock…I mean cop. They are everywhere, like flees on a cat. They occupy every crevice and corner and have systematized the control of people. Out of the darkness appeared two men dressed in full state issued police uniforms shinning a flash light upon my face and upon the prostitutes breasts.
“What are you little deviants up to here,” one of the officers said to me. I could do nothing but offer him a cigarette.
I was not allowed out from jail until seven a.m the following morning. I spent the night shaking from the fear of being locked up. My body reacted to this imprisonment in ways I could have never imagined. All night long I suffered from palpitations and not a moment of pleasant contemplation. I listened to locked up men yell things I could never have imagined in my mind. “This is America….this is what we have become,” I remember thinking. I felt like a man who had his very soul violated. For what??
Now I am home quiet and forlorn. An energy healer has come over to my home to work my spirit back into a higher vibration. My bones are still shaking and the rain is coming down hard outside.