I have decided to sleep away the rest of the day. All morning I was searching for the way, the path, the Tao. I was told to look for it in sound, smell and touch. In all these things I came up empty.I grew frustrated. I wondered around thinking about non-being and effortlessness, but found myself having to make great effort to become nothing. All I wanted was to be done with time, to relinquish the jaws of time from the hold it has upon me. I wanted to surrender myself into the greater unifying principle of space and nothingness but I had chest pain and was worried about my bank account. If I could only be fully present in the moment, which at times I am, than maybe I would see the way, the path, the Tao more clearly. Maybe I would unlearn everything that I know and become the absence that Taoists refer to as enlightenment. Over and over I repeat passages:
Do not talk about right and wrong.
Everyone should sweep the snow from his own door
And not be concerned about the frost on another’s roof.
Over and over I tell myself, “refine the self,” but then I find myself looking up the skirts of stray women and suffering the terrible fear of death. My mind drifts as vagrantly as a piece of tissue blown by the wind. I want to uncover or unravel deeper mysteries but I also can not stop thinking about my next meal or the desire to be rich and naked and stuck in blow job orgies sipping wine. The Tao does not come easily into my mind. “Be done with mind,” certain Taoists tell me but my mind keeps me in a state of anxiety and longing and without this discomfort how would I know I was me? So I am an impatient Taoist and all my wanting and waiting has made me tired to the point that I have decided to spend the rest of the day asleep in bed. We will talk more about this later.
4 thoughts on “The Impatient Taoist”
Well I’d be a useless taoist then, ‘be done with mind’? Impossible, then again I never have been able to meditate, my mind refuses to follow only one thread, I am too busy up there……
This is what you should do: get naked, find a blow job orgy, get stuck in it, sip some wine, thoroughly enjoy the whole situation and then proclaim “I am in the now!” Then you will be a Taoist.
I used to bother myself a lot with Zen and Taoism. Like communism, they are beautiful in theory; but I’m not so sure about their practicality.
And anyhow, a total lack of conflict, angst and suffering? — not for no reason are there no great Zen and Taoist writers.
As gingaTao! would say, rage on!
I find that letting go of all can and often does work for me. . . Gives me a since of well being. Check out Oprah’s new webcast if you have the time. Quite interesting…..
Thanks for sharing.
My mind is always one step ahead of where I am. All these comments make me realize that maybe this is a condition of being human. The strife and the struggle is as natural as peeing. I suppose one must gather tools to learn how to be a human being who experiences little suffering. But then again, as Petersonion so wonderfully stated, without the suffering is there an absence of great writing?
“And anyhow, a total lack of conflict, angst and suffering? — not for no reason are there no great Zen and Taoist writers.” ain’t this the truth. thanxs for the laugh!!