The Man Who Pissed A Miracle.

    Three weeks ago I peed upon a large plot of dirt that was located behind my parents home. I was locked out and had to go. The large plot of dirt was the only piece of land on my parents property that was not touched by landscaping. My father had wanted to build a Japanese tea garden on the dirt plot but because of the recent economic recession he had decided to wait it out. I was in my parents neighborhood that day (I went to a job interview) and I decided to stop in. Not only was I hoping to borrow some money but I desperately needed to use the toilet. When I found no one at home- I had no choice but to pee on their small piece of land.

When nature calls it is difficult for man or woman to ignore the call. The twentieth century was filled with magnificent inventions that attempted to bypass natures call. Somehow humans thought that if they could be ingenious enough to trick nature then maybe they could be in control. I however have difficulty ignoring the call of the wild. I prefer to listen and respond when necessary. Possibly a great deal of my anxiety stems from the fact that I am too tuned into nature but this seems to be a disposition that I was born with. That day under the sun and in the quietude of my parents back yard, I peed without any thought about the personal violation I may have been committing. When I was finished watering the dirt I zipped up my pants and drove back to my home.

Today I returned to my parents home and was stunned by what I saw. In the very plot of dirt where I peed three weeks before grew a gorgeous lemon tree. My father and I stood in silence under the spring time sun staring at this lemon tree that had grown over four feet tall- in no time. Full grown lemons sat perched upon the end of its branches and a yellow hue highlighted the trees fluorescent leaves. For a few minutes all thoughts about my peeing in this spot three weeks before escaped me. I asked my father if he was sure that the gardeners did not plant this tree. He told me that he was cutting expenses for the time being and one of those expenses was the gardener. No one had worked on this land for months. My mother came out with a cup of iced tea in her hand and said “isn’t it amazing!!” I looked at my mom and said, “how could this be?” My father picked a lemon from the tree and handed it to me. It was the most beautiful lemon I had ever seen. I could smell it before it was in the palm of my hand. “Amazing,” was all I could say.

And then I remembered that three weeks before I had taken a piss in the same place where the lemon tree now stood. I questioned myself for a few minutes trying to convince myself that the tree must of been here before I peed. It was not. There was no way to explain what was before my eyes other than that my urine had given birth to this lemon tree. How this could be escapes my rational mind but I remember when I gave a urine sample to my doctor a few months ago he told me it was the most nutrient dense urine he had ever seen. “It almost reminds me of lemon juice,” he said. I thought nothing of this remark until today. As I stood besides the lemon tree with my mother and father I was shocked by the possible power of my pee. I wanted to tell them that I may know the reason why the tree is there. They may be upset that I peed upon their valuable land but when they found out what their son’s urine could achieve- all hurt feelings would possibly turn into an emotion of awe towards the holly man who was their son. Finally they would think that after 37 years of failure on earth- I had made something out of myself. As my mother stood there repeating, “incredible” over and over- I remained silent afraid that if I took the risk and told the truth as I saw it I would never be allowed to come home again. My father went inside and got his camera and for the rest of the day I pretended to be as surprised as they were about this strange lemon tree that grew from my pee.


  1. Your “pee story” is very impressive-I have never read multiple paragraphs about someone peeing in their parents backyard. I am actually sitting here wondering if your urine could have actually helped the lemon tree grow. I’m sure doctors around the world would laugh at the idea of urine fertilizing the soil, but I like to think your urine is the reason that lemon tree is so glorious! Thanks for keeping your blog interesting.

  2. Brilliant…….peeing/writing metaphor, parental affirmation for your words…….and the whole golden shower thing sneaking in. Truly a master of metaphor, Randall.

  3. I have heard it said that urine is one of the better ways to fertilize soil. I tried this out on some of my rose bushes but they did not survive the deluge.

    I find that metaphor is reality and I often get the two confused. This blog seems to be one form of salvation for me- since a blog is a living metaphor.

    It is another beautiful day in California. I will go sit in the sun and drink some lemonade.

  4. I went for a walk this afternoon and peed in various spots around the city in which I live. I want to see if my urine can give birth to more lemon trees. I will keep you posted.

  5. Cool, perhaps there was a dormant seed there and your nutrient rich urine bought it to life. Further experimentation is definitely called for. You can’t eat a metaphor and I wouldn’t be eating them lemons either.

  6. oh randall, whenever life has me down i just hop on over to your site and load up on your priceless posts. 🙂 good stuff, as usual.

  7. Thank you elisabeth82 for making me feel good. I am very glad that my post lifts you out from the doldrums. Now if I can do this for myself, then I will be a happy man.

    and Paul…..are you sure that we can not feast upon metaphors?

  8. And it’s a full circle of life. They who created you and now you are giving “it” back to them. Just not in the same way.
    Love it Randy.

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