Stuck In High School!

After 37 years, I am still in high school. It is a mystery to me how this has become my life. After all I do not know if being stuck in high school is the epitome of the American dream or a nightmare. Maybe I am repaying a karmic debt from a past life or maybe I am paying penance for the things I have done in this life- what ever the case may be, I am still stuck in high school.

I am currently sitting in a history class while students are taking a written examination that I designed with the intention of making test taking entertaining. Occasionally I hear small explosions of laughter as students read some of the more comical questions that I have inserted in between the more serious ones- “how many times a day did Abe Lincoln masturbate?” For the most part the room is so silent that I can hear the hum of the freeway which sits just behind the school. I am the Teacher of these students but at the moment I feel like them- stuck in a place that I do not belong. I am always perplexed by the similarities that I find between myself and my 15 and 16 year old students. It is true- I am twenty years older than most of my students but like them I am still pre-occupied with sex and what I am going to do with my life. It is as if a large part of me is yet to grow into this thing I often hear referred to as maturity. I feel as if I have never left high school, my body has aged but my spirit or soul is still stuck at 16. It is a difficult phenomena to explain- but as I sit here writing in my notebook and my students are taking their examination- I feel strangly equal to them. It is as if we should all just be friends and ditch school.

When I was in high school, the first time, I was an apparition. You could see my physical body but my soul was some place else. I was stoned most of the time and Teachers only knew my name because I was the tall lanky guy in the back who never spoke and was seen by all as being weird. At school dances I would get drunk on liquor that I stole from my fathers bar and stand in a corner trying to spy on couples who were making out. Sometimes I could be found lying in the school hallways, broken down into an agitated state of tears crying out “get me out of here!” I did not read a single book nor did I do more than was asked of me. I was preoccupied with blow jobs and death and not once did I get a grade that was higher than a C. My father had to pay off the principle to let me graduate after 6 years of high school.

Now some 20 years later I am still stuck in high school. Somehow the fury of the fates or divine consciousness has managed to transform me into a Teacher. It is like a great magic trick that has been performed in front of my eyes. The trick is on me and I stand there trying to figure out how the magician has created the desired effect. I am perplexed and can not seem to come up with an answer. I am in a state  of absolute dis-belief. How did they do it? It just makes no sense.


  1. I understand where you are coming from. Do you sometimes wonder if you would be the same way if you weren’t with all of those horny teens all day? I am at a middle school and the kids are always spreading gossip, in little cliques, and so on. So are the teachers! We all get caught up in it. I can say that if I were not in a middle school, the culture would be different. So, I understand your post! 🙂

  2. The gorgeous ironical absurdistry of it. I realise you are suffering but I am grateful for the twist of fate or karma or whatever, aesthetic unity I call it, because it provides me with such great entertainment via your wonderful writing. (Did any of them get that question right?)

  3. Yes, being around all of the organic sexual energy all day certainly stimulates my libido. It is a good point that you make.

    and Paul….some times I wonder, if my suffering was not there would I have anything to write about? I have often contemplated becoming a Buddhist, but the lack of suffering that the Buddhist seeks to achieve may be a detriment to all the fun I am having. And by the way, I don’t know if there was a right answer but one of my students wrote “he was Abe- he didn’t have to masturbate- he could get his dick sucked whenever he wanted, duh!”

  4. that was one hell of an answer…that student deserves an A+++…hahaha…on a serious note, i could almost relate to you somehow….being stuck on someplace or something like our jobs really pisses me off…i want to venture on new things, on new ideas, on new experiences instead of dying in a four-walled office…*sigh

    anyways, have you written any books or short stories or something on that level? coz i would love to read them! hehehe

  5. It’s funny- because I thought it was a great answer as well. Even though he flunked the exam I am contemplating giving him a B for making me laugh.

    I’ll give you a hint- if you google my name (randall sokoloff) I believe a few of my short stories pop up. As far as a novel- it is still stuck in my head…..

    thanks for the comments….

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