I am embarrassed to tell this story, but it is a story that must be told. As a Writer- I am obligated. Prior to wearing my wedding ring I lived a different kind of life. I lusted after women on an hourly basis, spent my days pent up in sordid strip clubs and drank in dank city bars until the early hours of the morning. I disdained the whole concept of domesticity and found brief moments of love and bliss in Asian massage parlors. There was a period of time in my life where I worked to not only live but also to afford my weekly visits to these massage parlors where beautiful Asian masseuses, who spoke little English, walked on my bare back and rubbed baby oil into my knuckles, toes and testicles. I justified my vice by convincing myself of the health benefits of the activity. Romans and Greeks had engaged in such restorative health practices and for $150.00 a week I should be allowed to do the same.
After I got married I swore that I would stop visiting the massage parlors. I sought out help from a therapist and visited a sexual addiction group, however- I could not get my mind off of one massage parlor in-particular. It was called The Sun Spa and every time I had walked into its warm and tenderly embracing belly, I enjoyed the most relaxing and sensual of erotic experiences. After I was married I used all my residual strength to stay away because before I got married I swore that I would not become a husband that covertly goes behind his wife’s back and visits prostitutes. But sometimes the pressure was to immense and I would travel to The Sun Spa where I would sit outside in my car and use every conceivable mental weapon I had to keep my body from wondering inside. I did this several times. Once, I sat in my car for three hours outside of The Sun Spa pleading with myself to not go in. I watched jealously as men went in and out and I was transfixed by the neon marquee, that flashed SUN SPA in bright yellow lights. After month of forceful abstention, one day after a long and stress filled day at work I drank two beers and decided I deserved a break. Once again I drove myself to The Sun Spa.
This time I went in. I paid my $50.00 to the Korean speaking sugar daddy behind that counter and then chose from a wide array of scantily dressed Asian women. It was like looking into a fruit bowl with freshly picked fruit just waiting to be eaten. I chose one that was especially sexy to me because of her wide eyes and the way her white lace g-string revealed the fine contours of her hips. When she grabbed my hand to escort me into a back room I felt a feeling of liberation overcome me- it was as if all of the distress caused by my many months of indecision and moral deliberation had been suddenly released. For a brief moment I was freed from my guilt and resistance and once again allowed to indulge in my favorite past-time.
Since I do not remember the sirens name who lead me astray down a hall way of lust and transgression- I will simply refer to her as Her. Her brought me into a darkened room, set up just how I had remembered it from my visit two years before. There were mirrors on the wall, a bar on the ceiling for the masseuses to hold onto as they walked all over their patients back. There was slow sweet music playing on the speakers, a red light that created a red light district quality to the room and a shower in the corner that Her was preparing for me. She told me to take a shower, get clean and then rest on the mattress that sat on the floor and was made up with freshly laundered sheets and white towels. I showered quickly and was sure to clean my testicles and anus so that nothing auspicious would be found there. My nervous shivers went away with the warm heat of the shower and after I was done- I wrapped myself in a towel and laid down on the mattress in anticipation of the pleasure that awaited me. I remember being in a state of complete relaxation as I laid there. There was no guilt, no shame- just peace and quiet. The feeling a person gets when they are doing for themselves what they need to do.
After a long and relaxing massage in which Her lathered my body with baby oil, cracked my stiffened knuckles, walked on my back, massaged my temples and stuck her finger gently up my anus she asked me to turn over. Of course my erection was as stiff as a redwood tree because Her had been giving me the massage in the nude and I had been watching her in the mirror as she massaged me. Her immediately grabbed onto my penis and asked me if I wanted to have more fun. I thought for a minute, while she tried to entice me with her hand that went up and down my penis like a gentle Yo-Yo. I finally asked her how much it would cost to get a hand job and then ejaculate on her breasts. She laughed, told me $100 and then asked for the money in cash. I took the twenty dollar bills from my wallet and placed them into her hand. “Okay now, we have fun,” Her said in broken English as she climbed on top of me and began to lick my ears.
After twenty minutes of erotic and relaxed bliss Her said to me “Your time almost up. You need cumm.” I did not want the minutes to end so I was unable to have an orgasm. When Her told me that extra time would be extra money I asked her if she would do me a final favor. I told her that I really liked it when she stuck her finger up my anus and I asked her if she would do it again. I assured her that this would make me cumm fast. Her giggled and said, “oh you like it up there?” “Yes, very much,” I replied and Her stuck her beautifully shaped breast into my mouth. I felt like I was being infantilized, held like an infant- for a moment, as I sucked on Her’s breast and felt her finger being inserted into my ass. “Good,” she said as I had to release my lips from her breast and moan. “So gooooood,” I replied as she forcefully thrusted her finger all the way up my butt.
And then I felt it. It was like a cold zap in the deepest parts of my stomach. It felt like what an iceberg quickly breaking away from a glacier might feel like. I jumped as I was about to cumm and Her suddenly pulled her finger out of my ass. “What was that?” I said as I felt something very uncomfortable and stiff inside me. I tried to walk around the room but could not move without an immense scratching sensation in my bumm. “Oh gosh!” I heard Her say as she sat cuddled up in a ball on the corner of the mattress. She held up her hand and stared at me with a look of complete distress. I did not understand what she was trying to communicate to me until I made out two muffled words that came from her mouth. “No ring,” she kept saying as she looked at the finger that not long ago was up my ass. I immediately freaked out. My horror turned to absolute desperation as I realized the severity of the situation. My lust and bliss quickly turned into fear as I thought about how I would explain this situation to my wife. In a panic I jumped into the shower and immediately tried to get hot water into my ass in the hope that I could flush it out. I tried to stick my fingers in and pull it out- but the pain was to immense. I cried, I stomped and I yelled “fuck,” several times. I practically lost control of myself in the shower and by the time I got out the same Asian in sugar daddy that took my $50.00 at the door was standing in the room with a long chopstick in his hand.
“No problem,” he said. “Happen before.” I was confused. “What happen before?” I thought. I did not realize that he was going to be able to help me. The thought of this strange looking Asian man sticking a chop stick up my butt mortified me. I started to put my pants on but when Her grabbed me and said “it’s okay, easy..better than hospital,” all I could think about was my wife in the hospital waiting room and what I would say to her. I had nothing to loose and everything to gain, so I decided to surrender to the moment and lyed down on the mattress. The experience was brief but immensely painful. I screamed loudly as the Asian man tried to pull the ring out of my anus just like he was going fishing. He whistled and Her kept saying “I so sorry, so sorry,” while the man said “you relax, calm.” I made a fist and grabbed onto the edge of the mattress as if I was holding on for dear life. I kept trying to practice something that I had learned in Yoga class, which was that pain is just a state of mind, an illusion. I took deep breaths that barely went half way into my lungs and I felt tears plowing down my humiliated face. I thought about my life, my wife and how I would willingly give myself over to domesticity if I could some how get out of this tragic situation. There I was- a grown, married man (deeply in love) who was also a respectable high school Teacher, lyed out flat in The Sun Spa with an over weight Asain man sticking a chop stick up my ass. What had I come to?
After ten minutes or so, I do not remember how long, the torment ended. I heard the ring fall onto the floor and immediately Her grabbed it and went to wash it off in the sink. I slowly got up and thanked the Asian man who told me “take shower, blood.” The pain of walking from the mattress to the shower was immense but there was something very gratifying in knowing that I was freed from the surgical procedures that I thought awaited me. Her warmed up the shower for me and sympathetically said “I get your clothes ready while you shower.” I do not know why, but I thanked her and asked if she would get me some tea. In the shower I slowly washed out my pain, my desire, my lust, my guilt and my ass with soap to disinfect whatever kind of germs had gotten inside me. I remember feeling like a fool, like someone who had been punished in the worst possible way. I remember thinking about a passage in Hermann Hesse’s “Demian” that said, “A man’s fate and his character are two names for the same concept.” As I showered I stared at my wedding ring and swore that the moment I got out of the massage parlor I would never, ever return. To make a very long story short, I have not returned since that terrible day…nor will I……. I hope.