Living Underwater

images-1 It does not take a perceptive individual to be able to see that the world and everyone within this world is in great danger. From the toxins flying freely in the air to the life denying wars and corporate greed- antagonists of life such as global warming, violence, disease and recessions are here to stay for awhile. I had a Teacher once, many years ago, who taught me the fundamental law of life on earth. He taught that human beings are the microcosm of the larger world environment, which is the macrocosm. If the inner condition of human being is sick and run down the outer conditions of the world will be a direct reflection of this inner malaise. This theory works the other way around as well- if the outer world environment is ill so is our inner human environment. One is directly connected to the other, and the idea that our actions are separate from the larger world environment is simply misguided and the single reason why these current global problems are going to stick around for awhile.

I have tried to cultivate wisdom, love and good health within myself- with the expectation that somehow this will save the world from what seems to be her inevitable end (as we know it). But all of my attempts seem futile considering that all around me, I see things and people in a million little pieces of dis-repair. The skies are filled with smog, the news is filled with violence, war and economic recession on an hourly basis. The school in which I teach is filled with a poverty so overwhelming, that ants are currently eating away at the desks inĀ  classroom.

Two weeks ago I read an article about the health benefits of spending time underwater. Not only does spending two minutes a day underwater improve your stress levels but it also induces a sense of over all well being that is said to cure high blood pressure, panic disorder, OCD, fibromyalgia, connective tissue disorders, arthritis, migraines, diabetes type one and various other bronchial and cardiac stress induced disease. Considering that I am a reflection of the world around me, it is only natural to understand why I experience a variety of health challenges. Like any individual who is determined to get well, I drink wine and beer on a nightly basis, do Yoga, masturbate at least twice a week, watch what I eat and take on any other life style changes that may add to my inner sense of well being. Oh, I also have been living, underwater.

All day long I look forward to the time that I will spend in my tub. When I make it home through the smog and grid lock traffic, I immediately run into the bathroom and start running the warm bath water before I have even put down my work day baggage. All day long between the screaming teenagers and the demanding administration, I have been dreaming about the time I will be spending underwater. The thought of being underwater pulls me forward like the most irresistible force of entropy. When I am finally home, and the bath tub is barley filled- I strip down into the nude, fill the tub with lavender salts and then plop right in.

My wife has been concerned because I have not been eating dinner lately since I am spending so much time in my tub (I do not like to eat at night because food in my system gives me cramps when I am underwater). On some days, I will spend up to six hours underwater. I will use a large straw as my underwater breathing device and I will lie still in the sanctity of my tub, until my skin becomes so water logged that I have no choice but to get out and go to bed. When I am underwater I feel like the outer world is washed away and my inner world is filled up with a sense of crystalline equanimity. I am a man at peace, desiring nothing and needing to go nowhere; like a holly Samana on a spiritual journey, I am able to dwell in the calm abode within myself. I have often thought that the reason why spending so much time living underwater is so helpful for me is because it reminds me of being in my mothers womb. My mother told me once that when I was born I resisted coming out with all my might (she could feel my little hands grabbing onto the sides of her uterus), and after twenty one hours of radical resistance the powers that be were able to yank me into a world that was not as wet and warm.

If I could live underwater I would. I would stay in my tub all day in the silence of the underwater world. Unfortunately, man can not make a living in the underwater world and he must come up for air once in awhile (so that he can afford the tub and the water in which he rests). So I live a divided life. Part of my day is spent in the world of human aspirations. I pass on my fragmented knowledge to the youth of America and in return receive enough money to be considered upper lower class Teacher with some cultural legitimacy. I am able to afford rent on a decent sized abode in the ghetto, the pets that I love and the wife that I adore. The world of human aspirations occupies half of my waking time, but when I am done with that transitory world- I say good bye to my wife, my work, my writing, my birds, my cats, my dog and I fill up my tub and enter into the underwater world. It is here, in the sanctity of my tub, that I am fully myself, fully at peace in the nude. I lie on my back looking up at the world through my clouded speedo goggles with a feeling of deep reassurance that what I am doing is not only good for me but also for the larger macrocosm, which is a direct reflection of a man who is living underwater.

The Man Who Pissed A Miracle

Three weeks ago I peed upon a large plot of dirt that was located behind my parents home. I was locked out and had to go. The large plot of dirt was the only piece of land on my parents property that was not touched by landscaping. My father had wanted to build a Japanese tea garden on the dirt plot but because of the recent economic recession he had decided to wait it out. I was in my parents neighborhood that day (I went to a job interview) and I decided to stop in. Not only was I hoping to borrow some money but I desperately needed to use the toilet. When I found no one at home- I had no choice but to pee on their small piece of land.

When nature calls it is difficult for man or woman to ignore the call. The twentieth century was filled with magnificent inventions that attempted to bypass natures call. Somehow humans thought that if they could be ingenious enough to trick nature then maybe they could be in control. I however have difficulty ignoring the call of the wild. I prefer to listen and respond when necessary. Possibly a great deal of my anxiety stems from the fact that I am too tuned into nature but this seems to be a disposition that I was born with. That day under the sun and in the quietude of my parents back yard, I peed without any thought about the personal violation I may have been committing. When I was finished watering the dirt I zipped up my pants and drove back to my home.

Today I returned to my parents home and was stunned by what I saw. In the very plot of dirt where I peed three weeks before grew a gorgeous lemon tree. My father and I stood in silence under the spring time sun staring at this lemon tree that had grown over four feet tall- in no time. Full grown lemons sat perched upon the end of its branches and a yellow hue highlighted the trees fluorescent leaves. For a few minutes all thoughts about my peeing in this spot three weeks before escaped me. I asked my father if he was sure that the gardeners did not plant this tree. He told me that he was cutting expenses for the time being and one of those expenses was the gardener. No one had worked on this land for months. My mother came out with a cup of iced tea in her hand and said “isn’t it amazing!!” I looked at my mom and said, “how could this be?” My father picked a lemon from the tree and handed it to me. It was the most beautiful lemon I had ever seen. I could smell it before it was in the palm of my hand. “Amazing,” was all I could say.

And then I remembered that three weeks before I had taken a piss in the same place where the lemon tree now stood. I questioned myself for a few minutes trying to convince myself that the tree must of been here before I peed. It was not. There was no way to explain what was before my eyes other than that my urine had given birth to this lemon tree. How this could be escapes my rational mind but I remember when I gave a urine sample to my doctor a few months ago he told me it was the most nutrient dense urine he had ever seen. “It almost reminds me of lemon juice,” he said. I thought nothing of this remark until today. As I stood besides the lemon tree with my mother and father I was shocked by the possible power of my pee. I wanted to tell them that I may know the reason why the tree is there. They may be upset that I peed upon their valuable land but when they found out what their son’s urine could achieve- all hurt feelings would possibly turn into an emotion of awe towards the holly man who was their son. Finally they would think that after 37 years of failure on earth- I had made something out of myself. As my mother stood there repeating, “incredible” over and over- I remained silent afraid that if I took the risk and told the truth as I saw it I would never be allowed to come home again. My father went inside and got his camera and for the rest of the day I pretended to be as surprised as they were about this strange lemon tree that grew from my pee.