Hiding From The Wind

The wind is blowing outside my window. It is maniacal and insistent. If I did not know better I would think that the wind was trying to break into my house. On windy days- I do not go outside. I hide in the catacombs of my imagination or between the pages of a book. Ever since I was young I have suffered from strange, unsettling phobias. My first phobia was of my father’s toes, my second phobia was of nipples and my newest phobia is of the wind.

I am afraid that I will be swept away by the wind, deposited in the sea, and then eaten by a giant whale or that the wind is going to get inside me and blow me up. I know these are irrational fears, and even more irrational in the mind of an adult. Rationality is supposed to set in by middle age but for me it seems to of turned away. My phobias remind me that a child is alive and well in my chest, a child who is just as afraid of the outside world as I was when young.

I have always felt hallow and thin. Often times when I walk I have the feeling that my feet are not quite touching the ground. I have fallen to the ground because of a sneeze. Walking in the rain often makes me feel as if I am carrying around a heavy weight on my head. As I let go of more and more of my pride and ego and allow myself to be humbled out- the more I feel at risk of simply blowing away.

On windy days, I shut windows and cover my head so that not even a slight breeze can enter my ears. There is something homunculus about the sound of wind that frightens me. Reminds me of a cresting wave, or a falling sky that I am to small to defend myself against. I am better off sitting in silent meditation- visualizing my self as a metal weight or a twenty ton stone- impossible to budge.

5 thoughts on “Hiding From The Wind

  1. The wind does mad things to your brain. I used to live in Cambooya where a westerley blew straight off the plains 10 months a year so I know exactly what you mean. Phobia of nipples is a terrible terrible thing, life-destroying and I’m very glad I’ve never had that one.

  2. In southern Spain the easterly wind can also drive you crazy, seems like the world is coming to an end at times. By the way, like the new look of your blog, I haven’t been around lately!

  3. So fantastic. Absolutely love it.

    ‘I have fallen to the ground because of a sneeze.’ The best line ever.

    You are a writing master.

    Love you Master Randall.

    Renee xoxox

  4. Paul- Ten months a year! jeeze that is enough to make even the most wind resistant amongst us a bit mad.

    Me Again- Thanks for the compliment. I like the how clean this new look is, easy to navigate and read without any special catches. Kinda reminds me of a digital newspaper……

    Renee- Gosh…I love it when you flatter me. My own mind derides me through out the day…..so to hear “a writing master”…jeeze, that is a very kind sentiment that has made my day. You mind if I use you for job references? All you got to do is tell them “he really is a writing master,” and maybe i’ll get the job:) Hehe….. I hope you are well.

  5. Another great post randall. Yes, the wind does get in your head. I have a fear of storms, passed down from generation to generation – and it does make you feel like a scaredy cat kid again.

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