Interview With Myself #4: Doing Dirty Dishes and on Growing Up a Spoiled Rich Kid.

While this interview is being conducted I am doing dishes. It is mid afternoon and I am dressed in brown corduroy pants and a black t-shirt. I did not want to be interviewed while doing the dishes (especially after the last difficult interview) but the interviewer shows up at unpredictable times and is very difficult to turn away from. As is typical I did not stand my ground but instead gave in to the interviewer.

 

Interviewer: I don’t mean to bother you again but I notice that you are doing the dishes?

Randall: I am.

Interviewer: I know we ended our last interview on a difficult note but would you mind if I asked you a few questions about doing the dishes?

Randall: Really? Now?

Interviewer: Yes, now. I promise it will not take up too much of your time. Just a few questions.

Randall: You want to ask me about doing dishes?

Interviewer: I do.

Randall: Really?

Interviewer: Really.

Randall: (taking a deep breath) Ok, do what you need to do then be done.

Interviewer: Sure, sure- will only take just a minute of your times sir. I am just wondering how you feel about doing the dishes.

Randall: Really?

Interviewer: Yes, really.

Randall: Well it is not my favorite thing to do.

Interviewer: Do you find yourself doing the dishes often?

Randall: I try to avoid doing the dishes as much as possible but there are few things that I dislike more than a sink filled with dirty dishes.

Interviewer: I see.

Randall: Yes.

Interviewer: So I often notice that if your wife does not do the dishes the sink sits filled with dirty dishes for at least a day or two. Why is this? If you dislike doing the dishes so much why are you not more consistent about doing them?

Randall: You know, I don’t really know.

Interview: Maybe you are waiting for someone else to do the dishes or for them to magically disappear?

Randall: Are you starting with me again?

Interviewer: No, no of course not. I am just wondering why if you dislike dirty dishes so much you do not do them more often. You should know better than anyone else that doing dishes can be a kind of meditation, an enjoyable activity and after all you always say to everyone else, “after enlightenment than the laundry” yet you yourself often do not do the metaphorical laundry.

Randall: Ok look, I really don’t want to argue right now with you. I am trying to get better at doing the dishes. I was forced to do the dishes as a kid and so it is only natural that as an adult I have a natural aversion towards doing the dishes.

Interviewer: I know that you did not like doing the dishes as a kid. I think it is safe to say that you did not like doing anything that you were told to do as a kid.

Randall: Ok, whatever.

Interviewer: In fact I feel the real reason why you do not like doing the dishes as an adult is because you grew up with a maid who always picked up after your messes. She did your “laundry,” cleaned your room, did your dishes, cleaned up after you.

Randall: So what are you saying?

Interviewer: I am saying that you do not like cleaning up after yourself because you are so used to having someone else clean up after you. You leave messes and wait for your poor wife to clean them up. Would you not agree?

Randall: Look, you said that you only had a few brief questions to ask me. You are not really asking me questions about doing the dishes but instead you are trying to accuse me of being a spoiled little rich kid. I pick up after myself and clean all the time. I am doing the dishes right now aren’t I? I find it disrespectful that you come here while I am doing the dishes and try and accuse me of not doing the dishes enough! Some nerve you have asshole!!

Interviewer: Easy, easy, easy man. I was not trying to accuse you of anything and I did not come here to make you feel bad while you are doing the dishes. I just wanted to ask you a few questions that came to mind when I noticed you were doing the dishes.

Randall: Well now I am finished with the dishes and would appreciate it if you left me alone for the rest of the afternoon.

Interview: So be it brother, so be it.

Randall: Don’t call me brother and what the hell is “so be it” supposed to mean?

Interviewer: It means I am already gone.

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