We realize that many sons and daughters are still stuck in relationships with their mothers, which they would rather not be in if given a choice.
We here at HOW TO have created this brief guide to give people a choice in various matters. Future guides will include: How To Escape Father’s Day, How To Escape Mandatory Days Of Celebration That You Do Not Want To Celebrate, How To Deal With The Guilt That Comes From Refusing To Celebrate Holidays and How To Escape From Your Life Without Killing Yourself.
Escaping from Mother’s Day is not easy. From day one, individuals have been conditioned to experience an extreme degree of guilt and shame if they refuse to celebrate Mother’s Day. As a result most of us celebrate this holiday no matter how we really feel about our mothers. Many people live lives built upon the futile effort to outrun or hide from both shame and guilt. They remain in relationships that are not good for them, they remain close with people that they would normally have nothing to do with, all because of guilt and shame. Any successful escape from Mother’s Day will involve finding healthy ways of dealing with the guilt and shame that you are sure to feel.
Please see our guide No More Addictions: Healthier Ways Of Dealing With Guilt And Shame, for more information on how not to let these feelings force you into living a life that does not feel authentic to you.
Many people celebrate Mother’s Day because they feel they must. Deep down they feel their mothers have failed them but they give in to societal and family pressures and celebrate their mothers anyways. They force themselves to believe that this is the right thing to do, despite feeling like they are not being true and authentic. This is understandable behavior. Sigmund Freud called it wish-fulfillement. Everyone wants to have a mother that they deeply love and respect. For many hurt sons and daughters Mother’s Day is a day of pretending that they really do have this kind of mother. It is an opportunity to try and feel like what it would feel like if everything was good with mom. As a result, Mother’s Day is often a day of fake smiles, clenched fists and biting tongues. It can be a very painful day for hurt sons and daughters.
In order to sucessfuly escape from Mother’s Day a person must be honest about how they really feel about mother. It requires no hiding behind guilt in shame. The first approach that we recommend is sending your mother this text on Mother’s Day:
Mother. I still carry a lot of hurt and pain that I feel you have caused me. This hurt and pain has made my life very difficult. You still seem unwilling to acknowledge how you have failed me as a mother and try and do better as a result. Therefore, for my own well being I must opt out of celebrating Mother’s Day. I hope you understand that this is as sad for me as it is for you. With Love.
This is an approach that requires a great deal of courage since you will probably ruin your mother’s day. You will experience a great deal of shame and guilt after sending this text (please see No More Addictions: Healthier Ways Of Dealing With Guilt And Shame) but keep in mind that you are remaining true to yourself and in the end this always feels best.
If sending the above text feels too harsh or hurtful then the second approach we recommend taking is to pretend that you are very sick. Very few things win a mother’s empathy like a sick child (although we realize that some mothers feel no empathy for their child even when the child is sick!)
If you decide to pretend to be very sick you must spend the entire day in bed and fake illness as best as you can. YOU WANT EVERYONE AROUND YOU TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE SICK. This is crucial. The reason for this is that you will be able to find a husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, son, daughter or friend to call your mother for you and let your mother know that you are sick. This way you will not have to go out for Mother’s Day brunch and you will not have to call your mother on the phone. Also, if everyone believes that you are sick you will receive more sympathy and as a result feel less guilt and shame about escaping from Mother’s Day.
The third and final approach that we recommend is to fake sudden and temporary insanity. For the days leading up to Mother’s Day, begin acting as oddly as possible. Create suspicion about the state of your mental health. Walk around with underwear on your head, talk to yourself, pick your nose continually in public, become easily angered, talk about really bizarre things such as aliens, make no sense when you talk, do not take showers or brush your hair. Do whatever you can to appear mentality insane. If you do this well enough someone close to you will have you committed to a mental institution on or before Mother’s Day. If you are committed to a mental institution you will be free from having to celebrate Mother’s Day.
EVERY TIME we have seen this approach taken it has worked. Do not worry though, normally if you are committed and then begin acting in more normal ways once you are committed, you will be set free within 3 to 5 business days.
We have thought long and hard about successful approaches that a hurt son or daughter can take in order to escape from Mother’s Day. These approaches are almost guaranteed to work and even though they may seem radical, we believe that these approaches are far better for the hurt son or daughter than continuing the cycle of pretending and drinking way too much orange juice and champagne at Mother’s Day brunch.
Ultimately it is up to the individual which approach they feel is best to take.
Please see our guide, How To Stay True To Yourself Rather Than Give Into Parents Who May No Longer Deserve Your Unconditional Love.