Search Engine Madness

I have always been highly entertained by the SEARCH ENGINE TERMS that direct a person to this blog. I thought I would share this strange form of poetry:

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eddie vedder singing lesson  

High School Teachers Don’t Get Offices!

me I can not find a job teaching. They fear me. They abhor me- I have a reputation. For four years I have taught high school English in an inner city school with all poor black students. It was the hardest job I ever loved but my disappointment grew to epic proportions when The Department Of Education shut the high school down. They did not want to spend the money on poor black kids getting an education (they rather put them in jail). They also wanted to stop dangerous Teachers such as myself from teaching.

The department Of Education knew that I was teaching my students about exploitation and oppression in our society. They knew I taught about racism and white male supremacy. They could not understand why I taught the things I did when I should be teaching The Great Gatsby. The school received several notices from The Department Of Education about my teaching style and as a result the school administration started to monitor my classroom closely. One afternoon I was caught by a school administrator observing the black breasts of one of my students. I was also caught once dancing in a bathroom with a bunch of my students. The final break was when I was caught with a black princess on my lap while in the middle of teaching a class.

I loved my students and they loved me. It was not my fault that one of my female students was always insisting upon showing me her breasts, without my permission. It was not my fault that a black princess enjoyed sitting in my lap every so often. She even once told me that she “enjoyed feeling me harden up beneath her black buttocks.” I agree that I was passive about what was going on. I knew that these students faced every hardship that a student could face. They were poor, black and the educational system barely cared five cents about their future. I repeatedly taught them about the importance of them asserting themselves and getting the best possible education that they could- or else they would end up victims of a racist society. The sexual play, the dancing…these where all deeply ingrained ways of connecting with my class.

When one of the administrators caught me looking at one of my students breasts she immediately called me into her office. I was told to sit in front of the administration and answer various questions. I told them that the student enjoyed showing me her breasts and there was little I could do about it. They asked me if she had ever touched my penis and I told them never. They wanted to know about the black princess who always sat on my lap, and I told them that nothing was going on between us. I then asked why high school Teachers never get offices? and they looked at me with blank stares. “A lot of this could be avoided if I had my own office. But instead my office is in the classroom and students have more access to me this way,” I tried to explain. What I wanted to really say was that I would have more privacy to do wanted I wanted to do if I had my own space to do it in. One of the administrators knew that I meant this, looked at me and said, “high school Teachers don’t get offices…they get classrooms.”

The black princess asked me one day if she could get an A in exchange for giving me a blow job. I did have to think about it for a minute but was able to refrain. She sat on my lap until I agreed to give her an A anyways. Another student with long red braids started coming up to my desk and sticking her tongue in my ear. She would whisper things like “you so fine Mr S,” or “My tongue in your ear feels so good.” I would let her rummage around in my eardrum for a bit and then begin lecturing on Malcolm X or Aristotle’s notion of tragedy. The students enjoyed the comedy of our classroom, because it was a break from the misery of their impoverished lives.

I believe that one of the reasons that the school was shut down was because of me. Word got back to The Department Of Education about what was going on in my classroom, and overtime they decided that the school administration was not doing enough to “change my ways.” I spoke in front of the Department Of Education at one of the hearings and told them that standardized education creates mediocre students who are trained to be workers in the corporate work force. I am not interested in creating workers, I want to facilitate conversations that will allow my students to receive a quality education. One of the members of The Department Of Education asked me “Do these conversations entail conversations about sex?” The only answer I could think of was an affirmational “of course!”

I miss the African princess, the breast flasher and the tongue licker- but I don’t miss the administration. Administrators are like parasites, they suck the blood from those who are trying to grow. Because of my reputation in the education community finding a job has been more difficult than finding gold. My Resume is turned down as quickly as it is seen and I never receive phone calls back. The students in all the high school’s know about me as “Mr S, the Teacher who tells it like it is…and tries to get some booty while he is at it.” In reality I am just trying to have a good time in a world that has become so series. And besides, maybe I will retire from the Teaching business for good. High school Teachers don’t even get their own offices, are underpaid and under appreciated. Why go back? Today I have an interview as a Waiter at a local restaurant. Who knows, maybe it would be good to start a new career.