My First Cup of Coffee

I had my first cup of coffee this morning in over ten years and I used to drink coffee every day all day because I was religious about my coffee intake coffee all the time because I loved the taste and the flavor and the way that it put me into a better mood or woke me up or took away my hangover or gave me more clarity and allowed me to get stuff done in the mornings because I am not really a morning person in fact I am quite grouchy in the mornings and don’t want to do anything so I have been waking up and jogging in the mornings in the hopes that this would deposit more oxygen into my body and help me feel better in the mornings but it does not really work that much anyways I stopped drinking coffee because it made me feel very wired and uncomfortable all of a sudden but I guess that as we grow older things like that happen our bodies change and our pleasurable vices become uncomfortable and self destructive bad habits anyways my wife is really into coffee so I went with her last night into this really nice coffee shop in Venice Beach and I loved the aroma of the coffee beans and I got this idea in my head that maybe I should start trying to drink coffee again since the coffee shop sold my favorite coffee roaster from Northern California so I bought a pound of coffee and decided that I would give it a shot because who knows maybe my body would be able to tolerate coffee better now who knows I thought who knows why not give it a try because I would love to have focus and energy in the mornings and my wife was happy about me wanting to drink coffee in the mornings because then maybe I would not be so grouchy anymore in the mornings so this morning I woke up and ground the coffee beans and then put them into a French press and poured hot water over the grounds and immediately I felt my mood shift because I love the aroma of coffee and suddenly I was smiling and happy and excited to be awake and be having this experience so I poured myself a cup of delicious smelling black coffee and drank it a lot quicker than I probably should have because it was so good I was so happy to be drinking such delicious coffee again so I drank and drank it along with eating a homemade cinnamon bun and at first I did not really feel anything so I thought that maybe I made the coffee to weak so I had another cup and enjoyed it thoroughly because there are few things in life as wonderful as a good cup of coffee and I drank my second cup of coffee a bit too quickly also since I felt like if I did not drink it quickly it would get cold and there are few things in life as bad a s a cold cup of coffee in the morning but half way through my second cup of coffee I immediately began to feel what can only be described as a highly focused and wired sensation take over my entire being and I say this because I could feel my eyes opening wider my vision clearing up and my heart rate getting higher so much so that I could not stay seated on my couch any longer but instead I needed to get up and do something I could not just sit there and read my book any more because I felt wired delightfully wired but at the same time uncomfortably wired in a way that I had not felt in a long, long time so I got up and started moving around my house and then immediately I realized that I needed to go to the bathroom and have a bowel movement which I did and it was the largest bowel movement I have had in over ten years because it took three flushes to clear the toilet bowl and I remember reading about how coffee is a wonderful laxative and it obviously is because it left me feeling completely cleared out and wired so I took a shower which I could not stand being in for longer than a few minutes since I felt trapped in that shower and I needed to move around so I got out of the shower and put on some sweat pants and brushed my hair and teeth and cut my toes nails and shaved my neck and then I put on a sweat shirt because I was feeling a bit cold and was shaking a little and I knew that there was no way that I could sit still so I made the bed in my bedroom and then I swept the hardwood floors and then I realized that there was a lot of work that I needed to do around the house so I started doing some laundry and cleaned the kitchen and then I swept the floor some more because I noticed a lot of stray dog hair and the one thing that I do not like is dog hair on the floors I don’t know why I am so sensitive about dog hair on my hardwood floors but I am I really don’t like it feels dirty to me but I have two big German Shepherds and dog hair on my hardwood floors is as inevitable as dust in the air so I know that I need to learn how to accept the dog hair on the hardwood floors and not get so worked up about it all the time anyways after I was finished sweeping the hardwood floors for the second time I was feeling really speedy and uncomfortable so I decided that the most helpful thing to do would be to come sit at my desk and write and that writing would some how discharge or settle some of the caffeinated rush that I am feeling but I am not so sure that it is working because I am still feeling the rush and my fingers are trembling and I can feel the coffee settling in my gut and I am not sure what to do at this point so I should probably stop writing now or else I will keep writing too much and I might end up divulging too much personal information so I will stop writing and I will go get my two German Shepherds and take them out for a long Sunday morning walk or maybe it is too cold outside right now and I should continue to do some work on my house since it is Sunday morning and it seems that Sundays are the days that home owners spend working on their homes so maybe I will just do that because I need to convert my gas burning fireplace into a wood burning fireplace since I much prefer the smell of wood burning over the smell of fake logs in the fireplace so I need to do this I also need to clean the windows since I do not like seeing spots all over my windows because I think you can tell a lot about a person based upon how their windows look so I need to do this and I also need to do some work in my back yard since the pomegranate tree needs to be trimmed and certain things need to be watered so I could go do this since I think that the act of watering is very calming but it is too cold to go outside right now so maybe I will do that if and when the sun comes out because I have so many more things that I need to do inside like I could work on work related stuff but I don’t want to work on work related stuff since work related stuff bores the hell out of me and so I am always putting work related stuff off for another day since I would rather make music or write or draw or read or go for walks or do something that really matters with my precious time rather than spend my precious time on earth doing work related things since I know that in the end I am not going to think to myself gee I wish that I did more work related stuff so I am not going to do work related stuff instead what I think I am going to do is go attempt to sit down and read the very long novel that I have been climbing my way through I should go spend some time doing this since reading is one of the more meaningful and enjoyable ways to spend my time here on earth while I am alive so maybe I will go read for a bit do something other than sit here and write because writing is hurting my fingers and I am making a lot of spelling errors since my fingers are trembling and it is difficult to get my fingers to land on the appropriate key.

Interview With Myself #4: Doing Dirty Dishes and on Growing Up a Spoiled Rich Kid.

While this interview is being conducted I am doing dishes. It is mid afternoon and I am dressed in brown corduroy pants and a black t-shirt. I did not want to be interviewed while doing the dishes (especially after the last difficult interview) but the interviewer shows up at unpredictable times and is very difficult to turn away from. As is typical I did not stand my ground but instead gave in to the interviewer.

 

Interviewer: I don’t mean to bother you again but I notice that you are doing the dishes?

Randall: I am.

Interviewer: I know we ended our last interview on a difficult note but would you mind if I asked you a few questions about doing the dishes?

Randall: Really? Now?

Interviewer: Yes, now. I promise it will not take up too much of your time. Just a few questions.

Randall: You want to ask me about doing dishes?

Interviewer: I do.

Randall: Really?

Interviewer: Really.

Randall: (taking a deep breath) Ok, do what you need to do then be done.

Interviewer: Sure, sure- will only take just a minute of your times sir. I am just wondering how you feel about doing the dishes.

Randall: Really?

Interviewer: Yes, really.

Randall: Well it is not my favorite thing to do.

Interviewer: Do you find yourself doing the dishes often?

Randall: I try to avoid doing the dishes as much as possible but there are few things that I dislike more than a sink filled with dirty dishes.

Interviewer: I see.

Randall: Yes.

Interviewer: So I often notice that if your wife does not do the dishes the sink sits filled with dirty dishes for at least a day or two. Why is this? If you dislike doing the dishes so much why are you not more consistent about doing them?

Randall: You know, I don’t really know.

Interview: Maybe you are waiting for someone else to do the dishes or for them to magically disappear?

Randall: Are you starting with me again?

Interviewer: No, no of course not. I am just wondering why if you dislike dirty dishes so much you do not do them more often. You should know better than anyone else that doing dishes can be a kind of meditation, an enjoyable activity and after all you always say to everyone else, “after enlightenment than the laundry” yet you yourself often do not do the metaphorical laundry.

Randall: Ok look, I really don’t want to argue right now with you. I am trying to get better at doing the dishes. I was forced to do the dishes as a kid and so it is only natural that as an adult I have a natural aversion towards doing the dishes.

Interviewer: I know that you did not like doing the dishes as a kid. I think it is safe to say that you did not like doing anything that you were told to do as a kid.

Randall: Ok, whatever.

Interviewer: In fact I feel the real reason why you do not like doing the dishes as an adult is because you grew up with a maid who always picked up after your messes. She did your “laundry,” cleaned your room, did your dishes, cleaned up after you.

Randall: So what are you saying?

Interviewer: I am saying that you do not like cleaning up after yourself because you are so used to having someone else clean up after you. You leave messes and wait for your poor wife to clean them up. Would you not agree?

Randall: Look, you said that you only had a few brief questions to ask me. You are not really asking me questions about doing the dishes but instead you are trying to accuse me of being a spoiled little rich kid. I pick up after myself and clean all the time. I am doing the dishes right now aren’t I? I find it disrespectful that you come here while I am doing the dishes and try and accuse me of not doing the dishes enough! Some nerve you have asshole!!

Interviewer: Easy, easy, easy man. I was not trying to accuse you of anything and I did not come here to make you feel bad while you are doing the dishes. I just wanted to ask you a few questions that came to mind when I noticed you were doing the dishes.

Randall: Well now I am finished with the dishes and would appreciate it if you left me alone for the rest of the afternoon.

Interview: So be it brother, so be it.

Randall: Don’t call me brother and what the hell is “so be it” supposed to mean?

Interviewer: It means I am already gone.