1) eat more walnuts and pistachios
2) impregnate wife (with her consent, of course)
3) work on overcoming anxiety
4) buy new underwear
5) recycle and compost most of my waste
6) recite a daily mantra
7) build something
8. spend more time with birds
9) spend less time on-line
10) drink less booze
11) be a better lover
12) leave less facebook status updates
13) have sex more
14) cultivate a daily meditation practice
15) make a new friend
16) get rid of a few old friends
17) contemplate the real meaning of freedom
18) be free
19) work as a Teacher
20) read more poetry
21) learn to enjoy doing the dishes
22) listen to my heart more than to my head
23) row a boat at least once a month
24) read everything Richard Brautigan has written
25) read everything John Fante has written
26) get a dog
27) become financially independent
28) remain healthy
29) continue to pursue dreams and do not be discouraged by those who have given up on their dreams
30) pay off credit card
31) grow vegetables
32) consider finding a mistress (with wife’s consent, of course)
33) spend less time alone
34) write more poetry
35) self publish a novel or book of short stories
36) practice compassion and gratitude
37) eat more (organic) hot dogs
38) bring my own shopping bags to the market
39) use less plastic
40) grow hair long (n0 haircuts)
41) ride a horse
42) participate in a protest march
43) save $2,000
44) be honest even when you feel like lying
45) publish a few poems
46) figure out where all my lost socks go
47) start feeding cat more regularly
48) sleep less
49) visit a farm
50) dance more
51) smile more
52) laugh more
53) stop listening to voices in my head
54) stop talking with the voices in my head when in public
55) surrender all need for control
56) listen deeply
57) socialize more with people even though I do not enjoy socializing
58) play board games with wife
59) volunteer someplace
60) buy more socks
61) find true self
62) hug and climb trees
63) accept my life fully without needing anything to be different
64) love
65) help others when I can, but do not sacrifice myself for others who want to get out of me whatever they can (for their own gain)
66) plant a tree
67) stop eating so much cheese
68) learn how to fix bicycles
69) cultivate a relationship with someone over the age of 75
70) buy myself a gift once a month
71) drink more herbal tea
72) plant a garden that grows dollar bills
73) embrace growing older without fear
74) go on a meditation retreat
75) iron clothes more often
76) eat less white flour
77) swim
78) let go of the future and the past, simplify
79) work towards being able to bend over from waist and touch fingers to feet
80) visit a dentist
81) get a foot massage
82) be comfortable with being weird
83) build up arm muscles (preferably, the result of having more sex)
84) work on improving my marriage
85) buy a kitchen table
86) drink more water
87) spend time with a river
88) keep fresh flowers in my home at all times
89) do not get upset with myself if I do not accomplish all these resolutions, instead remember that I did the best I can
ABSURdISTRY. 