Do you have parents who are difficult to deal with? Do your parents continually nag you about doing things that you do not want to do? Are your parents needy of your attention? Do you have parents who tell you what to do most of the time and get angry at you when you do not do what they think you should do? Do your parents get in the way of your enjoyment of life?
If you have answered yes to any of these questions (and especially if you have answered yes to all of these questions) I would recommend that you continue reading. It does not matter if you are 14 or 38. If you live with parents who are anything like what I have described above, this plan might be exactly what you need.
I cannot take credit for being the inventor of this plan. This plan is currently being implemented in households all over the world. In kitchens, bedrooms, living rooms, garages, hallways, bathrooms and backyards everywhere. A friend of mine who is 38 and is yet to find a way to move out and get away from his needy and controlling parents swears by this plan. The inventor of this plan, who is now 17 years of age and lives with nagging and controlling parents, is a master at it. For a low fee he teaches other people all over the world about how to implement this plan for themselves.
This plan has become so effective that there are several variations of it now in use. There is the Spouse Avoidance Plan (SAP), the Boss Avoidance Plan (BAP), the Family Avoidance Plan (FAP) and most recently the Work Life Avoidance Plan (WLAP). But lets stick to the Parental Avoidance Plan (PAP), since this is what I want to tell the world about.
The PAP saves those who live with difficult, unhappy and controlling parents so much time and energy. Before this plan was put into use, people living with difficult parents had no choice but to be continually tormented by nagging questions, manipulative behaviors, constant demands and unreasonable consequences. Parents were like a heavy weight that would keep their children way down. But now with the PAP, Children Of Needy And Nagging Parents (CONANP) are finally finding a way to live without the stress caused by more difficult parents.
I realize that by exposing PAP to a larger audience, I might experience some anger from CONANP who have been using this plan to avoid their difficult parents. They may feel like I am exposing their plan to a larger audience and as a result their parents will find out. I can understand why this would upset these CONANP, since living with needy, nagging and demanding parents can be a terrible drag. I understand why they would not want me to give their secrets away. Please know that my intention here is only to make this plan available to more CONANP who are currently stuck living with unhappy parents.
Since we all know that the end result of being a CONANP is often a lifetime of anger, addiction, anxiety, broken relationships, general unhappiness and isolation- my hope is to provide these poor souls with an alternative. By freeing more CONANP from parental bondage, my hope is that the world will become a less violent and eventually happier and more enjoyable place for all.
So here it is. For those of you who choose to implement this plan my hope is that the PAP will provide you with the mental health you will need to create your own independent and fulfilling lives (and not end up like my 38-year-old friend who is still totally dependent on his parents).
The Parental Avoidance Plan.
1. Speed- Rush in and rush out. (The idea here is that when parents are home and you need something that is outside of your room, you must be fast. Otherwise you run the risk of one or both of your parents seeing you and thinking of something to nag you about. If you move quickly, your parents may not see you and if they do see you they will not have the time to think of something to nag you about. When speed is involved, parents have less of an ability to figure out what is going on. This is one fundamental advantage of being young- you are much faster than your older parents.)
2. Stealth- Be quiet and avoid detection. (When living with unhappy and difficult parents, this should be your mantra: Be quiet and avoid detection. At all times, try not to be seen. Remember that when your parents are talking with you or when you are stuck having to spend time with your parents (in a car, at a dinner table, et cetera- less is more. Do not engage too much and try as hard as you can not to be seen. Become an expert at being a ghost. The moment CONANP are seen by the parent- the parent will latch on and not let go until all of their child’s energy has been drained. This is one form of control.
3. Ignoring- Keep head down. No eye contact. Pretend not to hear them yelling at you and just keep walking no matter what. (This step of the plan is meant to be immediately implemented when both Speed and Stealth have failed. Keep in mind that this part of the plan takes practice and endurance and will not be easy to achieve at first. However the more you practice it, the better you will get at it.)
4. If all of the above steps fail and you get caught in your parent’s web- just smile, nod your head and WAIT IT OUT.
*For further elucidation of and support with implementing the PAP I recommend taking the on-line PAP course created by the 16-year-old that I mentioned above.
ABSURdISTRY. 